Battles with Bulimia Nervosa

Vanessa Peh sat down with a popular content creator to talk about their struggles with an eating disorder and how they cope with it.

Despite her weight loss, she would still get body-shamed by netizens. Photo credits: Jeynelle Ng.

Freelance content creator Jeynelle Ng, 20, was only 13 when she started having the tendency to binge and purge her meals. It was relieving that she may be able to eat anything she wanted without gaining weight. Last year, Jeynelle realised that her habit of binging and purging was not normal. She did not want to continue being in an endless cycle of feeling guilty and anxious and hence, decided to see a psychiatrist for her eating disorder, bulimia nervosa. “I was honestly scared because I didn’t want [bulimia nervosa] to ruin and cost me my life,” Jeynelle had shared. She said that having bulimia actually caused her to gain instead of lose weight, which resulted in even more binging and purging. It got to the point where her throat and stomach would start hurting from the acid reflux. Her psychiatrist told her that she needed someone to open up to about her eating disorder to find the root cause of her eating disorder. Miss Pearlene Lim, a Senior Psychologist at Promises Healthcare but not who Jeynelle consulted, shared a few reasons why people do not seek help for their eating disorders. Some “may be in denial of their disorder and refuse to seek help”, some may have “poor family and social support”, and some may be “living alone or in a home with little supervision”. This list is not exhaustive. In December 2019, Jeynelle uploaded her first TikTok video, where she posted about her weight loss journey. Her content has consistently remained about working out and fashion. Now, she has amassed a following of approximately 98,700 followers. She only started opening up about her struggles with bulimia early this year. As someone who has a social media presence, Jeynelle has had a fair share of being fat-shamed, which can trigger her eating disorder. Sometimes, it could also be triggered by seeing other influencers with an “ideal body type” or when she’s snacking on food. On days where Jeynelle is unable to find comfort, she would try to eat whole foods before turning to those with less nutritional value. She will also portion out her food to prevent herself from overeating. People around her were supportive during her journey of recovery. They listened to her struggles and assured her that she was enough. She consumed more positive social media content and found joy in working out and maintaining a work-life balance.

Jeynelle finds time out of her busy lifestyle to go to the gym. Photo credits: Jeynelle Ng.

Jeynelle always felt that eating disorders were not a topic commonly discussed in Singapore. Many girls did not understand the severity of it and had trouble sharing their struggles with the people around them. By discussing eating disorders on her platform, it helps her to analyse her emotions and also helps other teens know that they aren’t alone.

Jade Tan, 17, a clinic assistant, has been a fan of Jeynelle’s for the past six months. She found Jeynelle’s content adorable and inspirational. “I used to struggle with an eating disorder and watching her share about her journey of recovery motivated me to seek help too,” she had said.

Miss Lim felt that influencers sharing their journey with eating disorders was a “double-edged sword”. She said that it “could go either way depending on what is shared, and how their messages are delivered”.

Although some accounts encourage individuals to seek help or assist them in their recovery, others may discourage individuals suffering from eating disorders by giving ideas that “may end up perpetuating the vicious cycle of their disorders”.

Jeynelle used to make others feel less about themselves to overcome her insecurities. While she was putting out content about her journey with bulimia nervosa, people from her past would call her out for being a “hypocrite”. She felt awful, and she’s still working on improving herself. She wants to be real to her audience and show that she’s human like everyone else.

To those who are suffering from eating disorders, she said, “You should believe in yourself, only trusting the process and learning how to see how worthy you actually are. You will start to put more work in yourself and that’s how you emerge strong.”