Stories that Inform
3 min read
Battling with Bulimia Nervosa
VANESSA PEH sat down with a popular content creator to talk about her struggles with an eating disorder and how she copes with it.
Despite her weight loss, Jeynelle Ng would still get body-shamed by netizens. PHOTO: COURTESY OF JEYNELLE NG
Freelance content creator Jeynelle Ng, 20, was only 13 when she started having the tendency to binge and purge her meals. She was relieved she was able to eat anything she wanted without gaining weight.
Last year, Jeynelle realised that her habit of bingeing and purging wasn’t normal. She didn’t want to continue the endless cycle of feeling guilty and anxious. Hence, she decided to see a psychiatrist for her eating disorder, bulimia nervosa.
“I was honestly scared because I didn’t want [bulimia nervosa] to ruin and cost me my life,” Jeynelle says. She says that having bulimia eventually caused her to gain instead of lose weight, which resulted in even more bingeing and purging. It got to the point where her throat and stomach would start hurting from the acid reflux. Her psychiatrist told her that she needed to open up to someone about her eating disorder to find the root cause of it.
Dr Pearlene Lim, a Senior Psychologist at Promises Healthcare but not the one who Jeynelle consulted, says people do not seek help for their eating disorders because some “may be in denial of their disorder and refuse to seek help”, some may have “poor family and social support”, and some may be “living alone or in a home with little supervision”. This list is not exhaustive.
In December 2019, Jeynelle uploaded her first TikTok video, where she posted about her weight loss journey. Her content has consistently remained about working out and fashion. Now, she’s amassed a following of approximately 98,700 followers. She only started opening up about her struggles with bulimia early this year.
As someone who has a social media presence, Jeynelle’s had a fair share of being fat-shamed, which can trigger her eating disorder. Sometimes, it could also be triggered by seeing other influencers with an “ideal body type” or when she’s snacking on food.
On days where Jeynelle is unable to find comfort, she would try to eat nutritious foods before turning to those with less nutritional value. She will also portion out her food to prevent herself from overeating.
People around her were supportive during her journey of recovery. They listened to her struggles and assured her that she was enough. She consumed more positive social media content and found joy in working out and maintaining a work-life balance.
Jeynelle finds time out of her busy lifestyle to go to the gym. PHOTO: COURTESY OF JEYNELLE NG
Jeynelle believes that eating disorders were not a topic commonly discussed in Singapore. Many girls didn’t understand the severity of it and had trouble sharing their struggles with the people around them. By discussing eating disorders on her platform, it helps her to analyse her emotions and also helps other teens know that they aren’t alone.
Jade Tan, 17, a clinic assistant, has been following Jeynelle for the past six months. She found Jeynelle’s content “adorable and inspirational”. “I used to struggle with an eating disorder and watching her share about her journey of recovery motivated me to seek help too,” she says.
Dr Lim felt that influencers sharing their journey with eating disorders was a “double-edged sword”. She says that it “could go either way, depending on what’s shared, and how their messages are delivered”.
Although some accounts encourage individuals to seek help or assist them in their recovery, others may discourage individuals suffering from eating disorders by giving ideas that “may end up perpetuating the vicious cycle of their disorders”, says Dr Lim.
Jeynelle admitted that she used to put others down to overcome her insecurities. When she started disclosing her battles with bulimia nervosa, some have called her a hypocrite. “I’m still working on being a better person while trying to push out real content as well,” she says.
To those who are suffering from eating disorders, she says,
“You should believe in yourself, … learning how to see how worthy you actually are. You will start to put more work in yourself and that’s how you emerge stronger.”