Grief is anger, sadness and confusion combined. It’s natural to feel this way after a loved one passes away from suicide. 

 

Phillip Lim and Maisy Conner experienced intense negative emotions after the unexpected passing of their loved one and with the passage of time, they now share their experiences on how to cope when death brings no answers. 

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1. Express your emotions 

 

According to an article by HelpGuide, bottling up your emotions and refusing to acknowledge them worsens the pain. Mr Lim, 23, felt many emotions at once after his older sister died by suicide in 2017. 

 

“I was mad at myself for being so selfish because she did so many things for me while I gave nothing back,” Mr Lim says. 

 

Instead of dealing with his emotions, he worked and studied excessively until he fell sick from overworking. 

 

Like Phillip, Maisy Conner, 23, became a heavy drinker after losing her childhood friend to suicide in 2018. It took Maisy several months before she could confront her grief head on and start healing. 

 

Besides feeling anger or guilt, you may also enter a cycle of self-doubt and confusion. “For many months I wondered why she chose to end her life instead of coming to me or my parents for help,” Mr Lim says. You may have to accept that your questions will remain unanswered forever. As such, you may have to learn to express and manage this aspect of your grief in a healthy manner. 

 

2. Vent or find a healthy distraction 

 

As an author, Ms Conner writes poetry and short stories to make sense of what she’s feeling at the moment. 

 

“When I feel as though I might fall down the rabbit hole of grief, I go through the photos… that I have of my friend and myself,” she says. 

 

If creative writing is not your forte, you can also consider keeping a journal. 

 

Other distractions include pursuing hobbies and activities that you enjoy. You can choose between starting new hobbies or returning to old pastimes. Mr Lim stopped playing video games after his late sister’s passing but picked it up again as a diversion from his grief. He believes that playing video games with his friends engages all of his senses and keeps negative thoughts from resurfacing. 

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3. Reach out to others for support

 

Maintain close contact with loved ones such as your friends and family. Sharing your feelings can heal emotional wounds left behind after losing someone to suicide, said the Samaritans of Singapore. They also recommend spending time with loved ones through various means such as social gatherings or video calls. 

 

“Sometimes, my family spends time talking about my sister and we listen to each other laugh or cry,” says Mr Lim. 

 

If you require additional support, a grief counsellor is always available to help you unpack and process negative feelings. 

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4. Offer help to someone experiencing suicide grief if you are an outsider

 

As an outsider it can be hard to console someone who’s going through suicide grief. Mr Lim’s close friend and confidant, Mr Santos, 22, gave him a place to share his innermost thoughts and feelings about losing his late sister to suicide.

 

“Try asking your loved one what’s the best way you can comfort them,” says Mr Santos. The help you give anyone going through suicide grief goes a long way. Mr Santos’ compassion helped Mr Lim overcome his inner turmoil, which strengthened their bond even further. 

 

Both Mr Lim and Ms Conner came to the conclusion that their loved one would want them to live well. 

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